Travel Jokes Humor and Satire
Promises Promises 
Wednesday, May 13, 2009, 06:54 AM - General
Posted by Administrator
Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.

Panicked he started to pray, 'God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!'

Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, 'God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!'

Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared.

He tried his plea one more time, 'God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress.'

Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said 'Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.'
6 comments ( 1327 views )
Wake Up Call 
Wednesday, May 13, 2009, 06:47 AM - Hotel
Posted by Administrator
One night at an economy motel, a guest ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, he woke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30.

"Good morning," a young man said. "This is your wake-up call."

Annoyed, he let the motel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!, what if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million-dollar deal to close, you wouldn't have been staying in this motel, would you?"
6 comments ( 776 views )
Delicacy 
Wednesday, May 13, 2009, 06:30 AM - General
Posted by Administrator
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
6 comments ( 1628 views )
Please Advise 
Sunday, May 25, 2008, 03:21 AM - Cruising
Posted by Administrator
This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got an e:mail from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000...... please advise".

So the old man e:mailed back:...
...Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.

4 comments ( 3604 views )
Getting Some Privacy 
Tuesday, May 13, 2008, 02:43 AM - Camping
Posted by Administrator
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."

5 comments ( 3990 views )
Signs You Made A Bad Choice For A Motel 
Sunday, April 27, 2008, 01:45 AM - Hotel
Posted by Administrator
1. The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Nixon has resigned.

2. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

3. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow.

4. The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.

5. You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.

6. There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.

7. The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.

8. Your wake up call comes courtesy of a police helicopter
3 comments ( 1997 views )

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